I Just Don’t Love You Anymore
“There is no one else. I just don’t love you anymore.” Over the last several years I’ve heard this from friends whose spouses were giving up on their marriage. IN EVERY CASE, it was discovered later that there WAS “someone else”; even though it was being denied at the time. If you are married you have to be off the market, if you expect your relationship to last. I thought I would repost this blog from August 2008 titled, “Marriage and Divorce: What’s love got to do with it?”
Let’s say the in a world of 6 billion humans, there are 50,000 people you could have met and fallen in love with. Then, let’s say that out of that 50,000, there is an inner group of 500 you could have a far superior marriage with. And a still smaller group of, say, 50 that would be the cream of the crop. And then, there is one of that number with whom you could have the best marriage imaginable. Okay, you’ve got the picture – a lot of concentric circles.
Now, just for the sake of making a point, let’s say here is Fred who gets out of school, takes a job, and one day meets Edna. They are attracted to each other, fall in love, and begin to make wedding plans. They visit the pastor and announce to him, “We want to get married.” And the pastor, being a pretty sharp fellow says, “Why? And they naturally answer (what else?) “We love each other.” To their surprise, the pastor says, “What’s that got to do with it?” “Uh, how’s that?” asks Fred. “Fred and Edna,” the minster says, “There are 49,999 others out there you might have fallen in love with. Just because you love someone does not mean you marry them.” But his point passes right over them and they become Husband Fred and Wife Edna
Then, let’s say within 3-7 years, Fed and Edna have moved to another city and in their neighborhood, Fred meets Louise. Well, spars fly. Fred has just encountered one of his inner circles of 50. (Are you with me now?) He is hooked. Boy, is Louise special. He thinks about her day and night, and soon becomes aware that she feels the same way. Psychologists tell us there is something called ‘the expulsive power of a new affection.’ What that means is that a new love blows the old one out of the water. Compared to the way Fred now swoons over Louise, he is convinced he never did actually love Edna. “At least,” he says to himself, “not in the way a man out to love a woman.” (Remember the roles could be reversed it could be Edna infatuated with another man.”
So eventual, Fred drops in on the pastor and says, “I want to get a divorce.” The minister asks, “Why?” Fred says, “Because I don’t love Edna anymore.” (No one ever admits to the pastor they’ve fallen in love with someone else. No one, ever.) And the pastor still on the ball and to the point, asks, “What’s that got to do with it?” Fred sits there bumfuzzled, wondering why this preacher doesn’t understand simple logic. Doesn’t everybody know you get married when you fall in love and get divorced when you fall out?
“Fred” the pastor continues “You don’t get divorced because you don’t love each other anymore.” “If the two of you are genuine disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ, then the only question is, “What is the will of God? That’s it. If you decided that it is God’s will for you to get married, then that takes care of all the people you will be meeting and feeling attracted to in the future. They are not God’s will for you and therefore are ‘off limits’ to you, and you can get on with your life.
The story goes on to point out that marriage is a covenant between God and a Husband and a Wife. It is not based on feelings but on commitment. Love is an act of the will that flows out of the commitment, not the determining factor of the commitment. So remember the vows you’ve spoken before the Lord and do not break the covenant you establish with the spouse of your youth.